Cause I’m not 100% sure if I like who I am or not. I mean, I like the basics of me. I have a good sense of humor, a level head on my shoulders and I like to think I’m dependable. But I can’t help but question my attitude.
Certain events (due to my clashing with the newest member) have led to a break in our group. People can’t all hang out at the same time anymore, there are some subjects that have become taboo…it’s a stress to be around sometimes. I’ve been pretty good at forgetting about it and moving on, but in doing so I realized that I’m becoming everything that I’ve always disliked about some of my friends. I’m catching the worst of all parties too. I’m letting everything slide off me like water slides off of feathers. I’m becoming numb to people I once loved to be around. I’m blaming the group’s problems on others’ shortcomings. I’ve faded into the background in a way that is all too unfamiliar to me.
I’ve taken responsibility for my actions and I’ve manned up to everything I did wrong in the months of turmoil leading up to the current state of things. I’ve put myself out there and laid every card I had up my sleeve on the table. But none of it was good enough for the person who I feel did more damage to me than I could have ever done to him. My words were twisted, my sincerity negated, and the dishonest ones prevailed.
Now suddenly I’m the enemy. I’m the one who’s crazy. I’m the one who started all the trouble and made our group the mess that it is today. I admit we played equal parts in creating this mess, but I’m tired of feeling like the only one who’s willing to clean it up. I’m tired of being the only one who cares about how my friends are treated. My own friends don’t even really care how they’re treated. They just want the party. They’ll ignore everything else and pretend that the shitty parts of life never happened. They allow themselves to be stepped on. Sadly, that’s how I feel I’ll become if I don’t quit the path I’m on now.
Is there a fine line between standing up for yourself and what you believe in and just simply being a bitch? If so, where is that line? I love my friends to no end. But I’m so sick of them. I’m sick of hearing “It’ll be cool, just chill out.” and “Don’t worry, it’ll all work itself out.” No, I will not chill out. No, it won’t work itself out. It’s up to people to grow up and work their problems out. Relationships take work. It doesn’t matter if it’s a platonic, romantic or familial relationship…they all take work. Why am I the only one who knows this and is willing to WORK? Are they all just lazy bastards? Do they all just not care and I’m a clingy woman who cares too much? Are they stupid? Is this a lost cause? Are you tired of reading this rant? Don’t worry. I’m done now.
I love New Found Glory’s From the Screen to Your Stereo albums. They’re great fun! This song is one of my favorite tracks from the two albums. I think this song was in Karate Kid 2, but I could be totally wrong. Anyways, ENJOY!
Going to see Harry Potter 7.1 this Saturday. Anees, Brett, Jon and Stephanie? It’s going to be a fun day!
We’re gonna see David Spade in Vegas! I’m killer excited for this! Anees is getting us VIP tickets where we have killer seats and we get to meet David Spade after the show! I think this is going to be the best 21st birthday EVER!
This song came up on my iPod’s shuffle today and it made me smile. not because I particularly like this song. It’s ok. I smiled because I remembered when Paramore played it at KROQs Weenie Roast this year. Marivic and I were singing along to most of their set but when this song came up the place went NUTS. Girls jumped out of their seats and started SCREAMING. It was truly insane. Then I looked at Marivic with confused eyes and a smirk and she mockingly said “I wonder how many of these girls like Twilight.” It doesn’t seem funny, but I was rolling. For some reason it was the funniest thing ever. I ♥ Marivic!
Although this is not my favorite Death Cab for Cutie song, it’s the song by them that I listen to the most. I love everything about this song. I listen to this song when I don’t know what to do with myself. It helps in those moments where I’m completely lost and feel like I’m drowning. It actually fits me perfectly right now. Enjoy.